Know What I Mean Harry...

Well..the countdown to my hospital op has began.

This time next week I will be propped up in a hospital bed with a splintered snout, a pathetic pout and a couple of black eyes. Thank goodness for Touche Eclait!

Im not too concerned about the op as Ill be conked out (hopefully) for an hour and a half. Ive booked my dream ticket already and Brad Pitt has the starring role. Im sure Angelina can spare him for a little while. After all, I will be on an operating table for goodness sake. I need to look forward to something!

Worst case scenario Ill resemble Frank Bruno during Panto Season. Best case scenario maybe a little bit like Barbara Streisand (before the nose job). Now dont get me wrong. In my eyes..Babs is the quintessential power- woman. She can sing, dance, act, produce and take on Hollywood. This Funny Lady can also charge extorionate prices for concert tickets. You can see me for a fraction of the price. Ill ask the Ward Sister to charge an admission rate. Popcorn and Programme extra. I do a mean verson of "Rain On My Parade" and as an added bonus youll get the "nasal mix." at no extra charge.

Im thinking of posting some "before" and "after" mug shots but they may need to be Government Approved just in case they frighten little children and psychologically challenged pampered pooches. Ever since I gave my brother a digital camera he delights in taking the most unflattering pics you can imagine and sending them to me and anyone else that would find them funny.

Now, at the best of times I really dont take a good pic. A work colleague many years ago told me that I had an "orange slice" smile. And he is right. My brother, aware of the fact that Im uncomfortable with getting my pic taken somehow manages to spring a camera out of nowhere particularly during family gatherings.

His favourite is called "Classic Sneeze" which is..youve guessed it, a pic of me in mid sneeze. There are others..."Classic Cry Tears of Joy", "The Classic Cake Munch" and lets not forget "the Classic Yawn"..a particular favourite of his. As I have been invited to convalese for a couple of days at "Chez Broon" you can imagine my uneasiness at the prospect of Aberdeens answer to David Bailey (he wishes!) snapping me at my very worst. I hasten to add that he is under strict instructions to never publish the afore-mentioned or I will be forced to release the "baby pics." And..yes..alright. He was the cute one!

Im not noted for my cheery disposition, particulary in the mornings as my fellow blogger Missymartin can testify. Im not too sure what kind of patient I am likely to be. Under strict instructions to rest and avoid stress. Im likely to be blogging like crazy over the next week or so. You have been warned.

Ill leave you tonight in the good old tradition of AM cheesiness with some songs Ill be listening to through my Hospital Radio Headphones.

Spray You..Spray Me. ....Sinus Richie
Dont Stop Till You Get a Snuff ....Michael Jackson
Diggin Your Snout...The Blow Monkeys
Hand on Your Hankie ....Kylie Minogue
Inside Snout..Odyssey
Love Will Save The Spray...Whitney Houston
Is Vicks There?....Department S
Sneeze Release Me...Tom Jones
Copacabana...Barry Manilow (of course)
Love Me For A Sneezin....Boyzone
Ev x